Liquor: most people probably shouldn’t be allowed to own and operate a bottle of whiskey. Certain people act legitimately mentally handicap after taking pulls from a bottle of vodka (ew). On the other hand there are many of us out there who know their limits and do great things with a little liquid courage, such as perform for crowds of people who did not know that they were expecting a solo dance act at a party. Can’t knock that hustle.
Thinking about liquor in general, my mind wandered to that sophisticated drink called a shot.
Guess what? Southerners and Northerners do it different, as do men and women.
Southern Men: They will take pulls, shots, or whatever you want them to do with a bottle of liquor. They don’t even have to be drunk to start to go shot for shot with their buddies. They are game all the time. They do this with their friends in good competitive spirit and usually get drunk alone before any girls show up to get the party started with them. These guys probably, most definitely get too fucked up every time, but hey, they handle it like a champ, by getting a girl to go home with them and inevitably clean up their whiskey drenched vomit.
Northern Men: They will take pulls, shots, or whatever you want them to do with a bottle of liquor. BUT this is only after they are sufficiently liquored up and are feeling like Superman. I’m not calling northern dudes gay, but I am saying they aren’t as Ride or Die with a full bottle of bourbon as a southern gent would be on a sunday morning at 11. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that Northern dudes, when they aren’t trying to drown their sorrows, are usually alongside a female companion doing said shots. Why would they get destroyed alone and not get any recognition for it?
Southern Belles: Damn, they love shots. I’m talking like plain (and/or grape) burnetts straight out of their lilly sorority print shot glass (or wine glass). When a belle decides that she’s “getting blackout” tonight, that would entail her doing an uncomfortable amount of shots of cheap liquor and acting like a drunk mess. I am not ragging on these ladies because I can guarantee you, unless a northern girl is trying to bang every dude in the room, the only girl with a shot of whiskey will be a southern one.
Northern ladies: I think that unless a northern betch has a mission, she will try to avoid shots. This does not include the occasional saki bomb at the japanese restaurant or a celebratory tequila shot (or 3)… This doesn’t mean that a girl from the north doesn’t become a slop-fest 2013 every time she goes out, but it does mean that if she graduated high school and doesn’t go to Rutgers, she isn’t pouring shots of raspberry smirinoff into her ed hardy shot glass.
Stay posted doe because I have a lot to say about the different beverage choices of the men and women of the United States of America (Chach).